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Love Doesn’t Hurt

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I purposely kept myself out of the dating arena for a year after the end of a long-term relationship.   Miss Independent- I’m going to do what I want, when I want with whom I want and I just knew it was not healthy for me to date.  So take that entire male gender.  ’Sorry, I can’t date you…I’m dating myself.’  I even put myself in an Open-Relationship status with myself on facebook.

I clothed myself in the finest armor (which looked normal clothing and an embarrassingly high ratio of facebook posts) and a beautiful mask.  The mask and armor made me strong, independent and able to fend off any desires for love, affection and deep emotional connection…not going to be vulnerable over here…no way, not me!  I don’t need help, I don’t feel sad, I don’t need love, I’m totally working it over here and I feel great!

The only hiccup in this master plan was that I started to open up and share my thoughts and feelings with some really amazing people and I started to feel love again.  When that happened, I found out that the mask I had was defective.  It didn’t hide anything from anyone but me.  Love was starting to heal me and I realized I was going to have to get real with myself and really open my heart up again to even more of it.

It started slowly with having hopes and dreams again. Sad and angry songs replaced by songs of hope, caring and happy and I got the courage to start dating again.  I had the strength to totally be myself.  I kept cruising along, totally in control of all of this and then it happened; I met ‘someone’.   On our first date, I felt something I hadn’t in a long, long time… maybe ever.  I felt a connection, a true connection.  One where it wasn’t about being lonely, or wanting approval but a real honest to goodness connection with a man.   It completely felt effortless, I was able to be 100% myself and I felt I had attracted someone on an equal plane, finally!  I started to have that smiley face, that feeling in your spine, that feeling of being alive and that everything works out…that feeling of love and of being more whole.

Love heals, it isn’t what hurts.  What hurts is when love starts to go away.   Take time to grow love in your heart whether it’s small like paying for a person’s meal or bigger like joining a church study or volunteering.  Along the path, you’re sure to find the love inside you and I cannot wait for you two to meet:)

((hugs))



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